Swami Kriyamurti Saraswati
Reborn
For when after those years, I began to live alone, something new started bursting out of me, something that came from an unknown place.
I was reborn! And this newness continues, even today. Swami Atmananda led me from darkness and complexity to light, joy, wonder and peace, unlocking my heart and dispelling fear and causeless sadness.
She awakened my mind to the beauty of life, wiped out hang-ups, set me free. Through her blessings I touched the rainbow, felt the sky, saw the depths of human suffering and the absurdity of pretension.
If she was hard on me, it was in order to empty me so that I could receive those things. And she demonstrated that real love – which has nothing to do with romantic love – is not partial, but One, just as the sun shines on everything with equal abundance.
She showed me that love is not sentiment, not dependence, not even emotion – it’s what’s left when all these are set aside. It’s just there, like the rocks, trees and hills, in the silence of being.
A Place of Truth
Swami Atmananda was not perfect, and never claimed or aspired to be; she had idiosyncrasies, moods, likes and dislikes, like everybody else.
But in relationship she was able to set her personality aside and act quite impartially. Her thoughts and words came from a place of truth, somewhere deeper than her own self, for she was in touch with the wellspring of life, that deep, most sacred and secret source of all things.
Now Swamiji is gone, and at times I feel desolate, as though the light of the world has gone out, because I shall never see her again and revel in her company – her wisdom, laughter and rebukes.
And yet she is part of me; she is in me, so much so that I don’t know where she stops and I begin. I don’t even need to recall her memory; she’s there in my consciousness every moment. Goodbye, dearest Swamiji, and God bless.
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